May 28, 2001
I've just returned from Hot Springs, Arkansas with my Mother and Daughter. We had a nice time together, but there was a notable sadness shared between us.
April of 1999 my Mom's mom, Mammaw, went home to Glory. She had been bedfast for 8 1/2 months from a stroke. Mammaw was my second mother. She could be as "honery" as she could be "sweet", but she was never boring! I loved her dearly. Just twenty five days later my Dad died and I loved him just as dearly, but more importantly I knew I was loved by him. Although I knew he was not well I did not expect him to go so soon. Both of these people left giant voids in my life.
Everyone reacts to life's circumstances differently. Some fall completely apart while others carry on as if nothing has changed. Yet, every aspect of life changes when someone dies. I know it was never God's intention for us to experience this "unnatural" separating of body and spirit. He is Life and there is no death in Him! Because of man's "Fall" death has come to mankind.
During the past two years I'm sure a close observer would say I have passed through the "natural" phases of grief. And I probably agree, except for the fact God's sustaining peace is not "natural", but very supernatural. Yes, I've been angry, not at God or Daddy, but at the change that took place in my life. I had become very comfortable with my family unit, maybe even complacent about them. Truly, I found the value of enjoying the relationships that are left and how important it is to make them know that they are loved by me. Sometimes that is difficult to do when you are hurting, too.
Through this time I've have learned a couple of things:
1. There's nothing more important in this life, after God, than the relationships we have with our family. When Daddy died the most overwhelming emotion I had, even greater than grief, was the feeling and knowledge of how much I knew he loved me. I remarked that if I can love my family that is left with that kind of love then I will have accomplished something in this life. A love so accepting that there is no doubt in your heart or mind that you are loved. I've been very blessed to first have that kind of love from my Heavenly Father and then allowed to experience it through my natural father and even now I have that same love from my husband. The greatest gift truly is LOVE.2. That God has given us the ability to choose our thoughts that produce actions, actions make habits, habits form character, and character determines our destiny. When we choose to think in the manner God has set forth in His Word it will change, yes, even our emotions! Depression, stress, grief, loneliness, rejection, anger, loss of love, and more must go as we simply choose to order our thoughts towards Him.3. That there is a Peace and a Rest that we CAN enter in in all areas of ours lives. It is a choice no matter what our circumstances maybe! May 20,2001
I'm dedicating this page to all the women who are in ministry by choice or by marriage! Thankfully I'm in ministry by choice.
My husband and I have pastored one church for twenty years (yes, that's what I think too) in a town of about five-thousand. My husband answered the call to preach in the later part of 1976 and became pastor of "Faith Life Center", now call "New Faith Tabernacle", in 1980. And twenty-five (updated 2005) years later we are, as Abraham, waiting on the Promise!
I have watched people come and people go; come and go; come and go, go, go...... Sometimes I wonder, "God are we really doing any good? Couldn't someone do more and better?" But He says nothing. I have learned that "silence" is definitely NOT yes, but God's way of saying "I shouldn't have to repeat myself!" Therefore, we are still in Ashdown, endeavoring to do what He spoke to us twenty plus years ago.
I'm not sure what sort of reward we may obtain in heaven, but I do know that we have "stuck like glue" to the last Word we have had from Him. Surely that counts for something.
I have a daughter, my husband has a daughter, we have a son, and we have had "your" children so to speak in our twenty-five years of marriage. I use to wonder did we try to win the world's children while forsaking our own. Yet, I have a promise of God that my children were gifts to me and my husband and they do not belong to satan, therefore, they WILL do the will of God in their lives.
The worst thing about ministry is the fact that people are looking for scapegoats to blame when they step out of the will of God. I've never liked being called a GOAT! Yet, the most rewarding fact is watching folks that love God with all of their heart, mind and soul. These folks are what most ministries call their "core" group. The group that have caught the heart of God for their area and church. These are the ones that you never wonder will they be there or will they be offended by what I preach. No, they are not perfect, but repentant, because of their love for God. They are as Aaron, who was the strength of the Moses.
Every time I begin to let my emotions tend to lead me in the direction of discouragement I remember these people of God. I remember why we are in ministry - the people - and I thank God once again he called us to this divine appointment with His Sheep. Thank you Father!
Well, my thoughts have wondered a bit today, but my heart is full of these past twenty-years, yet I look forward to what He has in store for each of us this day and the days to come.
Please e-mail me your testimonies that may be used on this site, or experiences that you would like to share as a woman in ministry.
